Monday, September 29, 2014

Moving Back to Move Ahead

If you told me a year ago that I'd be moving back to my hometown, I'd say you were crazy. I wouldn't have believed you. But, ...
you'd be right.

At five months pregnant, I've found that my priorities have changed. Certain steps needed to be taken that weren't previously required. Saving money became essential.

Sure, we could continue pouring hard earned money into renting a house that's miles away from those we care about. We could make it on our own. After all, we've done it so far. Why move back?

Trying to weigh the pros and cons of this decision was difficult, to say the least. Paying off student loans is much less gratifying than spending money on a lifestyle to which you've become accustomed.

I don't feel the need to justify my decision to anyone else. I did find it necessary to explain it to myself.

What I do now...
from here on out...
depends on a tiny little person I haven't yet met.

What we've worked for so far...for the past five years...
isn't lost.

We're moving back to my hometown.
There's nothing wrong with that.


I kept asking myself this question.
I struggled with what I knew to be the 'right' thing to do.
The responsible thing.
The 'parently' thing.

To provide everything I want for my daughter,
to achieve and maintain all we've worked for so far...

We needed to move back.

We didn't have to.
We're getting along just fine.

what about after the baby is born?
What about when I want to stay home with my little girl?
What about being the mom she will need me to be?

Some things had to change.
They're still changing.

I can do anything I want.
Why didn't I want to move back?
After all, it made the most sense.
We'd save money, pay off student loans, and eventually buy a house.

What's so bad about that?

"It's Ashland City," I tell my husband on the day we realize we needed to plan further ahead than the next few months.

"Yeah, so?," he replied, obviously confused about my disappointment.

"So..., I mean..., WHY?"

"You know why, Regina. It's not permanent. It's the best thing for her. It's the best thing for us."

"There's NOTHING to do there, Josh. I lived there for 17 years. Everybody knows everybody there. You don't know what that's like."

"It's not going to be like it used to, you know."

I pause, trying to think of how I can convince my husband that this drastic move will be every bit as terrible as I think it will. He continues with reasoning...

"Your family is there. We really don't have anybody out here, you know. We've made it this far on our own. We could keep making it here, but why should we when our daughter can have the support of family there?"

He has a point.

"We can pay off my loans. Once I get a job, we can start saving for a house. It's not going to be bad. It's not even going to be for that long, Regina. Tell me..., what is it that you want? What is it that you've ALWAYS wanted?"

"To be a mom. I want to be a good mom. That's what I want."

What to pack? Illustration by RH.

"You can do that now. We're in this together. No matter where we go, we're going to be okay. You know that, right?"

My husband has a way of calming me. I trust him. He has never failed me.

We aren't going to fail our daughter.
We aren't going to fail...

We're moving back...

so that we can move ahead.

And so we shall...