Thursday, August 13, 2015

The Google-As-You-Go Parenting Style & Other Random Lessons Learned

I can't think of anything to blog about besides my kid. She's napping now, which isn't interesting to me- much less to you.

Kids aren't really all that interesting though. They have opinions, sure, but are they really based on anything valid? I mean, they've been alive for what- 3 years or so. (6 1/2 months, in my case) What they talk about isn't all that captivating or deep. Babies are even worse.

Everly doesn't care about current events. She doesn't even have a favorite color yet. She's probably just now starting to see in color, anyway. I should know that sort of stuff but I don't. I didn't do a lot of research before I had a baby.

I'm a google-as-I-go kind of mom and since my kid's still alive, I figure my parenting style far.
 Here's my husband. He adopts the same search-and-find type of parenting that I do. He knows as little about raising kids as I do.

We look as happy as we are clueless.
This used to really scare me.

"We are SO unprepared!"
"We don't know ANYTHING!"
"Why is her poop like this?"
"Is that twitching while she sleeps normal?"
"When is she supposed to sit up?"
"How does the car seat work?"

These are typical conversations in the Hodge household. We're learning as we go and we're getting the hang of this whole having a daughter thing.

When Everly was super teensy, I called the doctor three times in one day.
All of the calls were questions about baby poop. 

I was worried, but the nurse assured me everything was okay. She didn't seem disgusted at all and, judging from her tone- she found my state of worry to be amusing.

Whatever. I needed reassurance and I got it.

Newborns really freak me out. They're so SMALL and...breakable! I seriously think I used to be afraid of my daughter. Like one false move would kill her or something...I worried about that. She was my baby though, so I had to pretend to be comfortable. I needed people to think I knew what I was doing. After all, I am her mother.

 I remember feeling so awkward holding Everly. So nervous and scared I was doing it all wrong. Everyone else but me seemed to know exactly what they were doing. (They didn't.)
They seemed so sure of themselves in their parenting roles. I needed to keep pretending...for my kid's sake, if no one else's...
You know how I said kid's don't really have opinions and how if they do, they aren't really valid or well informed? Here's proof...Everly is convinced I know what I'm doing. Like, 100% sure I'm an awesome mom. It's crazy, but the kid completely TRUSTS me! She counts on me for everything and she believes I'll take care of her no matter what. She's right about that part, though- I will do absolutely ANYTHING for her.

Should she trust me so much?
 Eh, maybe. Maybe not.

After all, she has no idea I used to be terrified of her.

See how scary she is?

 I got Everly one of those door-jumper things. We've used it maybe once or twice.

That's because little kids are ALWAYS trying to kill themselves.

I swear, the one dangerous thing in a room? They'll find it. When I put Ev in this thing, she decided to swing herself into the door frame, head first. You'd think hurting herself would teach her a lesson, but it didn't. Kids are experts of inflicting pain on themselves without learning from it.

Anyway, I decided it wasn't quite time for Everly to off herself so I pillow-proofed the door.

Way to go, me. I'm an awesome Mom...

No more hurting yourself, kid. Jump in the thing like you're supposed to. Like the box says you will. Mommy bought you a new toy and you're going to like it and learn to use it properly...These pillows will just enhance your experience...

Here's one thing you don't learn from google-ing...

Situations with kids can go from good to bad in nanoseconds.

You learn this by experiencing it as a parent.

One minute, your kid is happy.

You feel like a hero- like you're winning at life.

You'll just go do some laundry real quick since things are going so awesome,



You suck as a parent, after all.

Not as clever as you thought, are you?

These types of moments are more common in my life than I'd like people to think.

The pillow incident of 2015. One of my less genius mom moments, but there are worse things that could've happened.

Did I save her right away? Of course I did...
right after I took some pictures.

These pictures remind me of some other random stuff I've learned. Just a lil' F.Y.I. for my fellow new moms out there...

- Be careful checking your phone with one hand while feeding your kid with the other. You'll eventually drop your phone right on top of your kid's face. SMACK! WAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! You'll feel bad about it and even worse when you have to explain the bruise on their little face.

- Always, always ALWAYS check to make sure you buckled your kid into their car seat.

- If you somehow forget to follow the above advice (just ONE time, okay?!), do NOT pull over on the side of the interstate in order to correct your first problem. Remain calm. Find a safe spot to pull over, strap the kid in, and drive on.

- Never directly admit your parenting mistakes to just anyone. People can be pretty judgmental, after all. Leave them guessing.

- Scented baby wash (the pink Johnson & Johnson kind) stains the bathtub. Honey Apple is overrated, anyway.

- Pay attention to where the kid's head is before you walk through a doorway. Don't know why yet? You'll figure it out.

- Check your kids' toes and fingers for tiny sock strings and/or hair that they RIP out of your head that get wrapped around those tiny suckers and cut off circulation.

- Door jumpers and tons of other toys you'll buy are STUPID. Kids play with paper. They chew on everything! Don't waste your money to follow the hype.

- Whether you breastfeed or bottle feed, your kid is going to turn out just fine. Avoid conversations with people who feel differently about this subject.

-  Always wear your hair up when changing a diaper. I found this out the hard way and poop in the hair isn't a good look for me or anyone else, for that matter.

- Actually READ the directions for your parent gear. Car seats, strollers, etc... Those manuals are actually helpful, turns out.

- Use your stroller brakes. Every. single. time.

These are all off the top of my head. I learn more every day. Thank goodness and thanks to Google.

To Be Continued...

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