Thursday, July 31, 2014

Dear Baby, Some Days Are Better Than Others.

Some days are better than others. Today has been one of the upside days of my pregnancy, though it isn't over yet. Josh's dad is coming over tonight for dinner. I went to Cookeville this morning with Mama to meet Mamaw. We always meet in the Penny's parking lot. I remember meeting Papa there, too. I especially think of my late-grandfather whenever I go to places we once shared together. I grieved tremendously following his death. I still do, though I tried to enjoy today's visit without him.

Mamaw sent my unborn baby a letter this week, at my request. I am working to write and collect cards and letters for my child, in hopes that he or she will know how much love abounded for him or her- even before birth. Writing the letters helps pass the slow days. I typically write a "Dear Baby" letter on Friday since each one marks the passing of another week. I like Fridays. This coming Friday is tomorrow. Tomorrow is 14 weeks. "Baby" will get two letters tomorrow- one from me and one from Josh.

I yelled at Josh this morning, though he did not take me seriously. He seems to be adjusting well to my unpredictable mood swings, thus my needlessly angry tantrums are rarely headed by my sweet husband.I don't like not feeling in control of my emotions.

Everything I've read validates the normality of my emotional roller coaster but I am not a patient passenger.

I got home from Cookeville only to begin cleaning the house. This event resurfaced my this-morning-feelings of animosity towards my husband.

The house was particularly messy this morning.
I had gone to McDonald's to bring breakfast back home.

I arrived to see Mama's van in our driveway and my pit lab outside the confinement of our fenced backyard. Halle is a big dog. Mama was semi-wrestling/petting her, trying to keep the dog close as I exited my vehicle.

"Where's Josh?!"

I ask Mama, as if I don't already know the obvious whereabouts of my husband.

"Oh, he's inside getting ready. Halle just got excited so she jumped the fence."

I then learn that my mother knows what Josh is doing because she has been...

Now, this shouldn't have been the huge deal I made it, buuuuuuuut...,
I am a psycho pregnant woman who has zero patience for anything I disapprove of...


#1. Dogs should not be left in backyard without owner supervision.
#2. Halle is fat and will jump fence when left unattended. This could hurt her.
#3. The house is MESSY. NO ONE should be admitted into house when it is in this-morning-condition.
#4. Mama should NOT have to deal with our dog.
#5. Halle got Mama muddy.
#6. Josh is not present at scene of crisis.
#7. Backyard still only half-mowed, due to yellow jacket stinging-husband incident that occurred nearly a WEEK ago.
#8. I brought Josh coffee from McDonald's. (why this is a factor, I don't just...was.)
#9. Josh unresponsive to pregnant temper tantrums.

but not least...

#10. I realize I am being completely ridiculous, which perpetuates cycle of anger since I appear mean and feel entirely foolish.


Today got a rocky start but improved significantly. I am glad to have spent time with Mama and Mamaw. I'm thankful for new- bigger- clothes that FIT. I'm blessed beyond measure to have people who love me even when I'm at my WORST.

Thinking of how Josh smiled at me as he sipped the coffee I got him- all the while enduring my rantings about the importance of cleanliness and responsible pet-ownership/accountability - -

All these things make me smile. They are the little moments you can laugh about later. The simple ups and downs of a day...
Those are what make life worthwhile.

I won't be pregnant forever.
(even though it feels like it sometimes!)

Might as well enjoy as much of it as I can while it lasts.

Like I said before, though-

Some days are better than others and
Today was a good day.

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