Sunday, November 25, 2012

Finding My Something

It has been too long since I've blogged. I have to be in the mood to sit down and ramble about whatever enters into my mind. I've been distracted lately. I have a new project. I'm finally at a pausing point in that project's never-ending process to catch up here, where it all started.

There are a million things I want to do. I start every project with ridiculous ambition. I work long hours, whether it's at my actual money-paying occupation- or just one of my crazy ideas. Problem is, I burn out a lot. I'm a perfectionist and that trait eventually results in what my husband calls a 'crash bandicoot.' He says I said this once when I plopped on the bed and he asked me what I was doing. Apparently, 'crash bandicoot' was my response. I was so tired then that I don't really remember. I'll take his word for it since my tendency to run around non-stop for weeks with very little sleep ultimately results in a day spent doing nothing but catching some zzz's.

What's kept me from blogging? Why haven't I been taking and posting any pictures?

THE PROJECT, friends. The project.

Part of me wants to keep it a secret. Not because I enjoy playing coy, but rather because I am afraid of embarrassment- or worse, failure. Guess it's make it or break it time, huh?

I want to start my own business.

I want to work for myself.

I want to be FREE.

I want to do what I LOVE.

Yeah, don't we all?

The challenging part is starting. It always is. Whether it's quitting smoking or taking on a new challenge we're unfamiliar with...

We say we can do it. We say we will do it. But...


I don't know if I have or if I haven't, to be totally honest with you. I said I wanted to be a photographer. I bought a nice camera. I took lots of pictures. I studied and taught myself about focal length, aperture, exposure, photo-editing, etc. Then, I entered some contests. I submitted some photos. I contacted newspapers.

And then what happened?

Eh, not much. I have more pictures online now that anybody can save to their hard drive or post on their facebook pages or websites without giving me any kind of credit. No worries, I'm not bitter...much.

I moved on to another dream, anyway. I decided I'd be a writer. I've kept journals that document my entire life's story. This habit began when I was 4. I always loved writing. It was my outlet. I could vent. I could put everything I felt into words and make sense of my feelings and my life.

Yeah, that's awesome...right? So what happened?

A LOT, in short. None of it made me famous. I don't want to be famous, anyway. No sour grapes here, just sounds like a hassle to have paparazzo following and documenting what an eccentric weird-ee I can be sometimes. I take my Jack-Russell out every morning wrapped in a blanket with a camouflage one-sie underneath so I stay warm. My hair looks crazy as I toss it while I try not to drop my dog as I struggle to open the fence gate that leads to my backyard and my pup's pee-town. No magazine needs to see that. I'm fine with being anonymous. Anyway- see, I get distracted...back to the point-

I guess if I had to mention accomplishments that resulted from my writing efforts, I'd include the following:

-  Creative Writing contest winner in Elementary School.
- 4-H Speech Contest (which were written, so that counts, right?)
- Poem published in book, called "I Hate Schools" by Regina Cannon (I was 8)

...Yeah, I'm going to stop right there before I impress you all with too much pre-middle-school awesomeness.

I stopped keeping journals after a couple people found and read things that I should've never written or should have tossed into a fire. Let's just say that there were undesirable consequences that followed my putting a pen to paper during teenage years that were full of angst. It's okay. I moved on. I endured the repercussions for my actions and for my decision to vividly document them in written form. 

Years passed. I started writing again. Only to myself. Not letters like, 'Dear Regina, how are you today?', but more reserved and conservative scribblings of my daily life. They were really boring. Even now, when I read them, I am unmoved and unconvinced by the writer. If I didn't believe her, who would? A dingleberry, that's who.

Then, I started a blog. You're reading it. It's fairly inconsistent, pertaining to frequency of postings and topics of discussion. I know that, though. I do what I want here. This is my changes quite frequently.

I didn't anticipate success from my blog. I have no followers. I'd feel like a cult leader if I had tons of followers. I blame my inconsistency of post topic content for my lack of followers. I've read that successful blogs must focus on one subject or topic.

I don't care.

Lifelooklens isn't about gaining publicity, nor is it about gaining popularity. It's about writing whatever I feel when I sit down at the computer. It just happens. I wouldn't follow me either. I rarely know where I'm headed.

My ambitions are many. They are ever-changing. Some may say that I don't stick with them. Those 'some' may be correct, though I'll never credit them as such.

I'm just trying to get the most out of life. If it means jumping from one interest to another, so be it. Maybe I can do them all. Maybe I can't be successful at any of them, though I doubt that. I don't doubt because I am conceited, but rather I doubt because I believe I'm talented at something. I believe everyone is exceptionally good at something.

I just don't quite know what my something is yet.

That's what I've been working on lately...Finding my something.

I take pictures just about every day. Most of them are on my phone and will be featured in upcoming posts. I'm just behind on blogging. Blogging is my outlet now for my writing, which may be my something. Maybe pictures are also my something. Maybe neither. We'll see.

My new potential something is acting on my dream to start and own my own business. 

Turns out, it's much harder than taking pictures or writing. Mostly because I don't know what I'm doing...

YET, that is.

Anyway, friends....


I tried selling on Amazon and failed, miserably. Working full-time and trying to keep up with my sales and listings was catastrophic. I suffered embarrassment. I underestimated the attention to detail in item listings, which resulted in selling a vinyl record for $110.00 that ended up being mistakenly listed as a CD. A claim was filed and amicably resolved, despite my confusion about anyone who prefers CD's to rare vinyl records.

No more Amazon.

I didn't attempt selling on Ebay after my Amazon atrocity. My buyer reputation on Ebay is too good to mess with! :)

So, yeah. I could've summed up my new project in three words- I'M ON ETSY.

Instead, I decided to tell you more than you probably wanted to know. Maybe I journal-ed a little bit. Maybe blogging and writing are my true 'somethings'.

For now, it's RETROSPECT, my new ETSY shop, by Lifelooklens. :)

After all, don't we all know more when we look back on things and see so clearly what we should have done or were meant to do? That's RETROSPECT. It changes. It's ever-evolving and my ETSY shop may fail. If so, it wasn't my something, after all.

In retrospect, I'll know what my something was all along. Hopefully by then, I'll have realized it. :)



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