Thursday, February 27, 2014

Saddling Up Anyway - On the other side of an interview...

I've had better days. I've had better interviews. I've had interviews that I left feeling fully confident that I'd be getting a call. Today, I sucked at the interview. You think of way better answers to questions like, "What do you want to be when you grow up?", when you're leaving the interview than you do in the moment that actually matters. I count today as my poorest interview performance in the history of interviews I've attended. Being the one interviewed is new to me again. I suck at that role. Being on the other side of the awkward process is way better. I like sizing up candidates, asking the questions, and judging whether or not they're bullshitting me in attempts of improving their candidacy. Today, I wasn't on that side of the desk. I answered the questions. I don't expect a phone call from the interviewers, though they were nice and seemed interested in a few things I said during my nervous ramblings of stupid that kept coming out of my mouth. I'm normally better than that. WHAT HAPPENED?

I ask myself rhetorically, of course. I think it's because I really don't need the job. It's also because I was uncertain exactly of what the job was. So were they. These may have been contributing factors to my overall sucky performance this morning, but I give myself kudos for going. I debated whether or not to cancel the interview. Would the new job be worth the drive? Would they pay me more than the meager salary I'd seen posted on their website? Questions like these prompted an all-too-early debate in my head this morning. Then, I made a decision. I would go to the interview. I had tried to hard to get one there in the first place. So what if I didn't get the job. I'd always wonder if I never went. Conversations like this happen to other job seekers, but since I'm not used to playing that role- I'd been inclined to decline, altogether.

I went.
I interviewed.
I left...

not before I disappointed the better part of myself that would never allow her interview performance to be anything less than confident. I was nervous. For some reason, I was so nervous. I think it's because the resume and cover letter I'd submitted were more personal than the typical professional jargons I normally jam together in any attempt of a career application process. Since I lacked a college degree and clear understanding of the job- I put a little of this, dash of that and sprinkle of random into the resume I sent to those who would interview me today.

This resume put me out there. Full of weblinks to personal and professional sites, this resume was constructed in attempts to set myself apart from others who may have applied. Others have degrees. Although I consistently run into that wall, I wanted to even the odds a bit with the way I developed my resume.

I have no idea if it worked.
It got me an invite to the interview.
I screwed it all up from there, I guess.

Maybe I'm over-thinking all this. There's just something about being interviewed that makes you feel so... vulnerable. Really, that's stupid. I knew and know I could do any job I half-way wanted to do so why did I make myself the victim of this interview?

Some interviewers dominate conversation.
As a recent interviewee, I conclude that this was a good thing today.
I was too nervous to actually direct the polite chatter about my interests and professional background, anyway.

When I learned that the job post to which I'd responded was outdated and not immediately available, I think my brain froze up.

When asked, "What is it that you think we do?", I should've sounded better informed.

When asked, "What got you interested in social services?", I should've explained more than just career advancement.

When asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?", ...

I should've said, "I have no idea."

Because that would have been the most honest answer to this particular question.

I shouldn't feel bad about that.
Not knowing what I want to be when I grow up makes sense if one knows HOW they want to be when they "grow up"...

What do you want to be?

Not a damn clue, friend.

I didn't say that in the interview, Mom. Sorry I blogged a bad word, okay... I love you....

I don't really remember what I said after that question, to tell you the truth. I just have the overall feeling that I didn't give the best impression I could have or am capable of...

That's okay.

Maybe I'm all wrong about this. Maybe those interviewers were just really blown away by the all-over-the-place answers I gave them. Maybe they like that or think that its....


That's a reply I heard a few times this morning. "That's interesting..."


if I had it all to do over again,

that's what I would have said to the "What do you want to be when you grow up?",  question.

I'd say...

I want to be interesting, just like I am right now. :)

I'd probably need to add some more professional stuff to that, though. Hindsight's always 20/20. Today, I could've done a better job during the interview.

There's a quote I'm sure you've heard...
"Courage is feeling afraid and saddling up anyway"...

I want to do that when I grow up, too.

Be interesting and saddle up anyway.

Maybe that's a better answer. Maybe it's worse. I just like being on the other side of an interview. :)

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